My wife's Aunt Joann is in very critical condition. She has advanced bone cancer, and this horrible disease is eating away at her bones at an unrepentant speed. What makes this whole thing worse is two things: One, my wife just got in contact with her aunt no more than 3 months ago after having lost contact with her over 10 years ago. Longer than that, more than likely, since she and I have been married for almost 8 years now. Secondly - and most important - both her mother and my mother fell to this same disease. Her mother just weeks before our wedding, and my mother a few months after the wedding. And, ironically, my mother died on her mother's birthday.
Anyway, because of several factors, my wife and I have ended up being the main provider of putting together money for her aunt's funeral services. I didn't realize this - none of us did to be honest - funeral homes must have all of the money needed to take care of the remains up front. You can't contract a funeral home and pay them monthly after the fact. So, some how or another, we have to come up with the sum of $2100 before Aunt Joann passes.
My wife set up several Ebay auctions selling a lot of the items we have sitting around the house, but after ebay fees, shipping fees and paypal fees, we don't end up with very much. We had a little money left over from some educational financial aid that we had "just in case". We pawned a gold bracelet my wife's mother left for her. We have borrowed money from friends, and several others have donated to help us out. But it's still not enough. And that realization made me bitter yesterday. Very, very bitter.
Ask anyone who knows me well, it takes a hell of a lot to put me in a foul state of mind, and this situation certainly did. Even with a few people able to step forward and help out - some with very generous funds - I thought I had more support. A couple of bucks from everyone I know - that's less than a value meal at a fast food joint - would help us out tremendously. It really doesn't have to be much. I was really counting on friends and family rallying around me in this very stressful time. But a lot haven't yet. I don't know why, and I usually am not one to pry, but this really bothered me to my core.
And so, I had a miserable day yesterday.
Until I realized that I was the only one making myself miserable. Here were people willing to come forward and help us out, and I wasn't looking at that. I was looking at the larger number of people who didn't help out. Then I had another thought: Maybe they couldn't help out. Or maybe they just felt they didn't want to. I was making them "wrong" for that, and in doing so I became miserable, not them. I had to finally let go of that. They all have their reasons, justifications and choices, and I cannot control that. If they didn't want to help, or just couldn't, or were too embarrassed to help out with just a few bucks because they felt that a few bucks wouldn't be enough - whatever the reason - it doesn't matter. Here's what does: I asked for help. I got some help. The rest will be taken care of as it comes.
I woke up this morning with a fresh perspective on things. I seem to be getting better. Yes, Aunt Joann is still suffering at the moment. But not too much longer. And I have friends that will be there for me when she does pass. That's all that matters.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...
Love,
JC
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