Learning To Fly

I have always been someone who is concerned with the way people think about me, or simply what they think about me. I don't know how or when this happened, but I cannot remember a time when I wasn't like this. Because of this, I believe, I give off an air of desperation.

I have always wanted to be liked, admired, appreciated, and it always seemed that I never did get what I was so desperate to have. 

I don't know how to fix that.

Let me rephrase that. I "know" how to fix it, but it is incredibly difficult, mainly because it's an emotional state of being. I have always envied those people among us who didn't give two shakes as to what the world thought of them, and did whatever the heck they felt like doing at any given point in the day. For me, I always felt as though I had other responsibilities and other duties to take care of before I took care of what I wanted, or needed to do, as long as it didn't inconvenience anyone else.

I'm 40 now, and I'm still living with a code that I built for myself when I was a kid.

I suppose if I were to look at it from a psychological point of view, I did what I did because I did not want to disappoint my parents. Even now, my worse fear in the world is disappointing anyone - I hate that. I always feel miserable and beat myself up for it.

That's not healthy. Heck, that's not even "normal" - if you can define that word at all.

I read lots of motivational books, and subscribe to lots of positive thinking affirmations sent to me by email, web, or twitter. I have podcasts, magazines, e-magazines and all kinds of literature that pretty much all say the same thing: Let go of this need.

I'd like to, I really would - but it's not easy. (Well, heck, if it were easy then everyone would do it.) Even with this blog I am constantly looking to see how many people read it, how many subscribe, is there a way I can get my readership up, etc etc. I do it all under the guise of I want to help other people reach their highest power. The underlying current is: I want people to like me and think I'm smart.

I'm working on it. It's a long road ahead, I know it is. But I know I can do it.

So, to your success and mine, here's today's thought: Relax. Let go. Trust in the Universe. It will take you to where you need to be. It led you here, didn't it?

JC

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